This was a really hard decision for me to make... goodbye.

I've moved

Relink me if you want!

Three little birds sat at my window, and they told me I don't need to worry

Should I or should I not change my blog? I already did actually (: Just that I wanna post a wee bit more there and figure out how to use it. I'll share it in due time, no worries. At the meantime, I'll just be blogging here to make sure my readers don't stop reading HAHAHAH (ya la i only have a few loyal readers....)

Just started watching Chuck- after a few years (yes, Elise would totally roll her eyes reading this). I like it!!! hahahahaha.

Yesterday I opened my inbox and I saw this:

Made me smile like a goofball. Thanks Rachel(: Thanks Liesel too for your E-Card! Wow, I wonder who uses E-Cards these days... I guess it's really a great way to save money and get your point across. Heehee.. Not implying anything Liesel (: Just really glad you cared (and that I didn't click delete)! (: (:

I guess all the birthday wishes did mean something to me... especially those that came from people that I care about- the close friends that make me think twice about just jumping off the bridge to my death (ok this is a weird way of saying it and no i'm not suicidal) 'cause I know that I actually mean something to them and they would not NOT notice my disappearance.

Last night I was digging up my older blogs, and I stumbled upon a group blog that I shared with 3 others in JC. Boy have I seriously changed. I wanna go back to Sg and dig up my old photographs and I'll post them some time!!!

For now, it's back to my Starbucks ice cream and Chuck. 6: I sound like a depressed woman.
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Can't believe I made so many friends here, that it makes it even harder for me to leave. I guess being away from home really draws you closer to a support group and they're really like family to me. Run out of face wash? Ask. Need food or company? They're just a phone call away. Really heart warming. They also threw me a small house party over the weekend. Gosh I'll really miss all of them. Their friendliness, hospitality. The fun times we spent together, the shitty times as well (like right now). ): I don't wanna go home!

yes, even though they caked me ):

this is so true!

although asians don't really get invited and parties are racially segregated (at least in pitt)!

Forever 21?

Today, I am proud to say that I know what being an ah tiong feels like! Well, wanna feel it for yourself? Come to USA. I finished my paper in 15 minutes (including the time when I was thinking about what to eat later). Oh well.

Anywayss, I know today's my birthday (US time) and I know I am finally an adult, but I'm not the slightest bit happy about it. Maybe it's cos birthdays have REALLY lost their novelty to me. *shrugs* I guess I've slowly learnt not to expect too much out of life and carry on even though it sucks. Right now I'm sitting in bed, chatting online with some of my good friends that I'll miss when I head back to Sg, sipping on dark cherry mocha and zhnging my Adium layout. Pretty neat for a 21st huh...? Guess what? I'm okay with that! In fact, I love it!

I've been contemplating switching blogs. This blog in particular has held so many memories for me and it goes waaaay back to J2. If you actually dig through my archives, you'd realise there really is nothing about my JC life and the first post was a picture post of Egypt. Well, that's cos I created it as a private blog on top of some other blog I had in JC (which is currently deleted and I don't remember how or why but thank you). This blog really was created at the pit of my depressive period in J2, and only one person knew of its existence apart from me. I guess it really did help me pull through cos he would read it and encourage me to smile. Then I hopped over, deleted the emo posts (lest people read it) and posted more normal/emo/stressed out posts during the A level period. Then I cleared it all just slightly after the A levels in a fit of anger (cos certain things happened that just made me want to forget all i went through), but right now I am pretty glad I did, because I wouldn't be proud of the way I was before, although it did make me stronger.

Like how one outgrows her clothes I feel that I've come to outgrow this blog. On top of that, I am pretty much a very different person from what I was before. But I'll definitely keep this blog cos of the memories I guess... (: We'll see.

.... And I'll blog about my PostSecret experience too!
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Scars make us stronger for life!

hiatus

will be back on the 30th of april, right now i'm seriously paying for all the traveling and slacking that i've done for the past 4 months........ catching up the night before the finals isn't an easy task. i'm so tired and i'm off to bed now...

for now, ask me a question... anything! see u guys at the end of the week!

p/s: i'm coming of age in a few days......

(Semi)formals 2010

'twas an interesting experience and i guess this pretty much wraps up my American collegiate experience. ): my finals are up and coming next week, and then i'm all set to head home to start a new season. thanks for being a part of it.... (: my feet are still aching like crazy /:

email from dad part 2 for keeps, part two:

my dad has the weirdest way of expressing his love although most of the time i don't reply his emails cos i think it's so weird... i'm just that way i guess. i just try to steer clear of anything mushy especially what's said face to face. and i don't have a habit of expressing my love openly to my family members cos it's weird too... acccck...


Good that you make the best of your time there and I really hope that your eyes to the world have been fully opened in the few short months you have been there. Singapore for all it is good qualities has a bad way of boxing up a person's mindset and outlook.


At your age you have much to look forward to and much that you can achieve if you find what you want. A step at a time will bring different experiences, opportunities and can shape your outlook and direction in life. You have been blessed with financial resources that allow you some of the experiences your mother and I did not experience early in our lives. Also the world was different 30 yrs ago.


I guess as parents we are glad to know that you are happy because its the single most important thing any parent wants for their children. Parents have children as a celebration of their love and joy in each other and hope that as they grow, they will find meaning and joy in their own lives.


Yes we have sent you on that journey and I hope that as you take it all in you will find more of the missing pieces in the puzzle that will complete your outlook and direction in life bringing you a lifetime of joy. I hope that there will also be pieces of the puzzle where God is honored for the great things he has done and will continue to do in your life.


Cheers
Daddy

i guess my dad kinda knows me well although i don't share anything with him (just weird, like i've said). i still AM going through a stage where i am still struggling to come to terms with things and discover who i really am and what i really want in life. it's great that i am starting to see the fuller picture over time, although it took me pretty long to figure out what i really wanted, but i'm so glad to know that my life could be a lot worse but what's worse didn't happen (: it could, but it didn't. that thought alone just makes me feel so satisfied. well, sometimes i wonder... like how would i know what i'm missing if i never even had it to begin with? accccccckkkkk i guess the grass is always greener on the other side most of the time, but you just need to look above and beyond that. i guess the plain on the other side ain't sunshiney too. glad i've seen that (:

right now, all i want to do is just to smile and take things in my stride, knowing that for every person who thinks i'll fail, there'll be 3 more who will stand beside me regardless.

positive vibes, positive vibes. being plagued by negative thoughts day in and day out really drains your energy away, and i learnt it the hard way. there's no point being sad. so what i tend to do is just push it away, play some happy music and smile (: gosh, look where i am now and what i've become... hard to see me in a depressive emo state like how i was in the past. wow.

god is so good. hallelujah.

p/s: i'll share more when everything is confirmed.

In the arms of the Angel

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction, oh a beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty oh and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angel fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight life and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angel fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the Angel

May you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the Angel

May you find some comfort here

in more ways than one, i am pretty stoked at the thought of going back to singapore to see what summer 09/10 and the following semester holds for me. i love signing up for events in the semester that really help me step out of my comfort zone (i know it's cheesy but i realised that i've been doing that most of the time during my semester breaks). right now i really want to try something new although i really dislike the sun and it's damaging UV rays.. i honestly have a lot to look forward to, like touch young arrows, mission trip, encounter, yoga and pilates, ballroom dance classes, KL, melbourne, hong kong and not to mention my friends and family that i sorely miss!!!! .... i just wanna chill and just enjoy life as it comes. life's too short to be sad or depressed, honestly. don't know why i didn't see that, but i really love not being tied down to just one thing. i love being free HAHA.

in short... i'm so excited!!!!!!! (: now i need to get to the computer lab. haha.

p.s: hui xian, thanks for your email (: i'm feeling a lot better right now... i'll reply you soon!

it's like a bad hair day every single day.

ok i'm SOOO screwed..!! i have a quiz tomorrow that i haven't studied for yet i'm surfing the net, chatting, and doing online shopping for some event on friday (will blog about that next time!)

so while i was procrastinating, i was looking at old facebook albums of summer 08/09 where i was chased out of the house for 3 weeks due to some massive renovation.... ok my point is, i was looking at my hair...

omggg it was so nice and long!!! and brown! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! (btw this was taken at mr daryl goh's house)

shit can i have my hair back? it never ever grows long thanks to my stupid hairdresser who keeps snipping off the ends. i feel like crap right now. ugly and disgusting, not worthy of a second look. BLEAGH.

since we're on the topic of hair, i realised, that since JC i NEVER had a single strand of black hair. EVER. well, apart from the times where it grew out and i re-coloured every single strand only to find i've severely damaged my locks. i look so damn disgusting with black hair, its unbelievable (well my hair wasn't black black but it was extremely dark brown in the past, just that i like it a lot lighter!). yes i admit i did dye my hair in JC...

okay the point is, i will DIE without coloured hair. it's like how i'll die without shorts and flats and flip flops in singapore. ):

amazing how some people think i'm naturally a light brunette HEEHEE. :D

OKAY I REALLY NEED TO STUDY BYE

it's these sights that leave you breathless.

the roar of the Falls is so powerful that it drowns out the boat's engine and our conversation. you can barely open your eyes when you look at it because the water spray stings your eyes.
__________________

i'm having the weirdest cravings right now... for pasta mania. gosh i miss their shitty "italian" food. (extremely watered down) creamy chicken and their spicy alfredo (with frozen peas).

*lao nua*

it's not like the pasta here's any better... it's equally inauthentic and shitty in a sense that the portions are huge and you'll feel like you're having a heart attack right after.

___________________

i was so close to finishing my report yesterday but i was too tired to continue... somehow i just dropped dead on my bed the moment i stepped home- a sign that i've worked hard enough to reward myself with the thought of food. :D

ok enough slacking. back to my report... finals are coming up in 8 days.... seems like there's something else happening on that day, but i can't seem to remember what it is....

I'm like baby baby baby no

p/s: NIAGRA IN 2 HRS! :D

there is a secret that we keep, i won't sleep if you won't sleep. 'cause tonight may be the last chance we'll be given.

back in burgh. i've lots of work to do, datelines to meet, its the carnival weekend with intense partying and road tripping (there are no classes, at least for CMU) and not to mention daryl and his friends are going to be over this weekend. i have no idea how i'm going to get my work completed plus entertain people and fight the urge to go travelling. i'm HORRIBLE at prioritizing... honestly... and i have never felt so stressed out in so long!

disneyworld was nothing short of magical. it was tiring i must say, waking up for 7.50am shuttles and getting back at midnight everyday, but it was really worth it, although i've spent a bomb there so far.

the shopping in orlando is remarkable... i actually controlled my spending so much i was on the verge of going crazy!!!!!!!!

i'll update more soon! need to rush stuff right now ):

... puts a smile on my face

I don't know, but I believe

That some things are meant to be

And that you'll make a better me

Everyday I love you

I never thought that dreams came true

But you showed me that they do

You know that I learn something new

Everyday I love you

'Cos I believe that destiny

Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)

And you'll never live until you love

With all your heart and soul.

It's a touch when I feel bad

It's a smile when I get mad

All the little things I am

Everyday I love you

Everyday I love you more

Everyday I love you

'Cos I believe that destiny

Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)

And you'll never live until you love

With all your heart and soul

If I asked would you say yes?

Together we're the very best

I know that I am truly blessed

Everyday I love you

And I'll give you my best

Everyday I love you

p/s: this song's on loop right now.

p/p/s: i know i'm old school okay! hahahaha.

i need to start packing for orlando! (: 

to be disappointed or not?

i guess it's just how you look at it. i was wondering why i don't exactly feel a strong sense of loss or disappointment... perhaps God's just showing me that another door is closed. i believe he's just going to show me in due time what He wants me to do, although i really don't see it yet. somehow i feel this overwhelming sense of peace, although there are tears in my eyes... i know everything is alright because i'm in His Hands. most of the time i fear... just like anyone else, that i'll miss the last train (or something to that extent, it's just the way i see it)... but after reading Psalms 23 i decided to force myself to look at the positive side of things rather than the negative, which is what i'm often used to doing simply because i know that God has a plan for me, and i'll never be lacking in anything, because He knows just what i need.

(: ):

a reward after clearing homework and reports...

popeye's chicken courtesy of kelvin!!!! yes i know i'm on the road to obesity and heart disease.

p.s.: love gates.

today i caught "the notebook" after years of procrastination. it made me cry so badly lah! it's a great show nonetheless(:

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out."

(:

ok bye, i need to finish my report... and damn i'm REALLY gonna miss the States.. it's getting so warm right now... really miss the snow, wish i had more snowball fights! ):

human

Can you tell me how we got in this situation
I can't seem to get you off my mind
All these ups and downs they
They trip up our good intentions
Nobody said this was an easy ride

After all, we're only human
Always fighting what we're feeling
Hurt instead of healing
After all we're only human
Is there any other reason
Why we stay instead of leaving
After all

Can we get back to the point in this conversation
Where we saw things through each other's eyes
Cause now all I see is ruin and devastation
We all need some place we can hide inside

After all, we're only human
Always fighting what we're feeling
Hurt instead of healing
After all we're only human
Is there any other reason
Why we stay instead of leaving

I'm smart enough to know that life goes by
And it leaves a trail of broken hearts behind
If you feel I'm letting go, just give me time
I'll come running to your side
Can you tell me how we got into this situation
I can't seem to get you off my mind

After all, we're only human
Always fighting what we're feeling
Hurt instead of healing
After all we're only human
Is there any other human

happy easter guys...

i'm so sick of living a shallow life. there's gotta be more to life than this....

formspring...!

hey guys! i've got a formspring account. i think lina has one, but i can't find her. lina can you add me when you read this? haha i think it's quite interesting. you can ask me any question, but of course not anything rude please.... the widget is just to the right!!! best part is, it's ANONYMOUS!

have fun and ask away! (omg so exciting i wanna see what people ask me)
----->

will check back after i'm done with work, for now i'm heading out of the house! the temperature's simply too awesome for me to coop up at home and rot to death like how i've been rotting for the past few months in winter.

for now, check out my wicked balakoo from walking into something last night (yeah i don't even remember.... i must have been too sleepy). i swear it looks worse in reality.