and i need you tonight, i'll fall asleep and it's alright.

i've not been uploading enough photos, partially because i'm getting pretty lazy and almost every blog is picture ridden, so after tonnes of blog surfing your eyes are bound to get all crossed. so anyway that was the lamest excuse ever, here goes:

i had lunch with my mom and sister at Sentosa Golf Club, went to vivo to purchase my Bobbi Brown products which i swear by and got my hair done and treated today. always makes me feel a tad better. being depressed for too long is bad bad bad! i must say the head massage was THE best ever probably because of the pent up stress that makes my skull feel like a brick. raaar anyway i confided in my mom about the sucky things in life which is basically hall and hall.

i had the opportunity to reflect on 2008 while i was on the train home alone. i am definitely not the same person that you used to know. definitely. i no longer whine about being alone and neither do i have the fear of being left alone to run errands. while some people don't want to let me feel alone, in some ways i've become more thoughtful of the people around me, especially my sister whom i miss so so so much since i moved into hall. plus she's leaving for aussie next year. i used to think that being in a hall would give me some sort of identity and belonging and to a significant extent, less loser-ish. but i guess being away from it made me realise who the real losers are after all. this wasn't really what i bargained for. the environment makes me depressed. so i've decided (well more or less decided) to stay home in 09/10, and get another part time job as i school. one semester isn't that long and scary and lonely honestly, and i'm very sure that i can pull through this and see the people that truly matter when the holidays are here. (:

sometimes i regret not doing my homework in jc, actually sourcing for universities abroad that i could work towards. then again i guess it comes with its own set of problems. in any case, being here made me find out more about myself and possibly.... you? i think i really wasted my time and my heart on the wrong people and it becomes more evident when i'm with you.