Welcome to Nowhere

i feel so inadequate and frustrated right now it's really not funny. i hate thinking sometimes, but the truth is that reality will hit you and it will suck... the problem with me is that i've always been trying to avoid reality. and now it just hit me in the face and it sucks. i know i know i know i need to talk to God about it, but i think my whining and complaining... nah i don't think he'd really wanna listen.

BUT tonight i am going to stay up, make things right and hope that God will help me. it would be good if i had some company, but i guess i'm pretty much resigned to the fate of being alone around here.

what are my career aspirations?
the truth is i don't really know. do you know what you want to be? then it's great i guess. i really don't and i wish i was remotely good at something, passionate about something- then maybe i can make my mark. GOD TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO WITH MY LIFE. i don't even see it and i really don't know.
what are your goals? how do you plan to achieve them?
you want the truth? the truth is, i live for the moment... but most of the time i set short term goals which would eventually lead me to my ultimate goal (or so i hope). i have a tendency of getting so clouded up and overwhelmed when i think about "the future". it's like looking into and thinking about the word "eternity". i imagine this blackhole, this empty space that goes on forever and ever. in the past i used to cry every time i see the world forever- it just creeps me out and give me this eerie feeling, the feeling i hate most, of being alone. am i the only one who feels this way?

if i could i wouldn't wanna make any goals, because i don't seem to achieve them. i don't even land in the trees when i aim for the sky. i land in the mud, on my face cos that's where i belong.

FML.

p.s: the person who wrote this could use a hug right now.