deep in thought...

as NYC draws nearer, i've come to realise why God didn't somehow plan for me to go abroad for anything more than 5 months. not only am i a paranoid freak but i have so much that i'll potentially miss. talking to amanda for more than 1 hour yesterday made me realise that i've so much here that i've taken for granted. i guess im not the sort who dares to step out of my comfort zone alone. i'm pretty resistant towards change. somehow i'm content with being in singapore, doing a degree here, although i think it sucks like crazy.

i was so insistent on living on campus and then deciding that i hate it and then being so desperate to go on SEP. just as i found myself being pissed off with life and giving up on the ideal uni life, i met some people who potentially changed my outlook towards this damn bureaucracy that i found myself in. they made it so much more bearable, and in some ways i wish i could undo all the mistakes that i've made prior to setting foot in uni. perhaps i would have not turned out to be more appreciative of genuine friends if i had not gone through shit. i've realised that God somehow lead me to them, and my prayers for such friends did come true after so long. they're perfect for me. thank You God.

lunch with my family on sunday did make me realise that i've been too stubborn at times and not listening to what they have to say. i must say that i am a really stubborn girl if you really know me, and even when i comply, i do it unwillingly. blah talking to them really makes me regret my choices in life more. they're really negative people, my parents. then again, being stubborn perhaps made me, me. (: thank God again.

the point is, there will be so much that i am leaving behind.