no one is alone the way you are alone

i have a major problem choosing which photos to develop, since every single one of them (mind you i haven't uploaded all of them!) holds much sentimental value.sitting here alone with too little time and too much to do honestly sucks. that's why i've resorted to blogging. it's been a whirlwind of events since i've stepped into this new environment, and when i'm given the time to breathe and catch up, i find myself falling behind, reading previous wall posts on both facebook and friendster and just being too reminiscent for my own good. once again i cannot believe tomorrow is coming, while i'm all psyched up about going back to hall, its become evident that a part of my past is falling away from me. i wish i was a better person, someone who actually cares for others, but i guess i'll learn and in my own ways i do, perhaps i'm just not the sort who openly expresses things.  

for weeks i've been wrecking my brains on what i can get for her, but i've come to realize that nothing material counts anymore- not when you've reached this level of friendship. while it might excite her to get something in a wrapper, would you actually really remember what you got on your 5th birthday? then i was thinking that perhaps a card will be good, but when i want to begin i realize that there isn't anything to say. i hate how damn emotional i am right now as i'm typing this, which gay actually cries because she doesn't know what to say. it just feels like a large portion of my heart has fallen from its place, along with my brain. i remember telling elise once, that if she was a guy or vice versa damn i would've married her. i daren't even be positive about how things will go from here, considering how terrible i am as a friend, not even talking enough to my family. i guess i'm the one to blame when it comes to relationships. fair weathered friend? maybe... i'd like to think that somehow at certain points of our lives we tend to get closer to some and drift away from some, but i don't know how people keep things together for so long. that's one thing i really need to learn. i take my hat off to liesel who talks to her best friend everyday... i seriously need that sort of impetus, but i somehow. I DON'T KNOW LAH, there's something seriously wrong with me. something that makes me stay at home all day lately, just feeling so down for no apparent reason. i can't even pick up the phone, laugh or smile as much as before.

bloody hell i don't even know what i'm saying. but here it goes elise i don't want you to go. from the depths of my heart i wish you were living in C block, going to law school and being my telepathic friend. then again, always think about the greater good of society. with just one more doctor in the world, many lives would be saved. the greater good... the greater good... haha we'll just remember the happy stuff and the siao-est things we do together. and the times when you get pissed with me for good reasons. you're like one of (heck it you ARE) the first people i call for whatever reasons be it good or bad, and the one i call on saturday and go "ehhh lets hang out today." thanks for freaking out over awesome lyrics together, slacking at work, hating NCC to the max, singing songs together with me, drooling over hot guys (and girls *cough* megan fox), sleeping over, partying together, camwhoring together, shopping together, playing fashion police together... dancing together, studying for things together, laughing together, crying together, emoing together... and remember the mudpies for every single time we have our hearts broken? those memories, how can i ever thank you for being such a significant part of me in just a card or a present?

i don't even know how i'll be tomorrow, maybe as devastated as the night when i got the NUS package? in spite of that devastation elise was there. but this time around she'll be miles away. but i know somehow we'll find friends wherever we are. and i promise i'll be there, in my own way. i wanna know how skype works, in fact, i'm going to try and see how to download it. blah. in essence, i really do hope for the best for you out there in the UK. i know about your insecurities, but i'm sure you'll find a -if not a group of- friend(s) who understand you and grow together with you in medical school. and of course may you get the most awesome bed out of the three beds haha!! party hard and study hard and don't forget your morals (and the pact)!! you'll do great there i know it, and i'll be fine down here doing what i want to do and what God wills me to. (: we'll keep in contact via email too, i hope you actually check your freaking inbox this time woman! hope to see you and huayshan in december!!

and here goes...

i love you elise.